Don’t ya just love a bit of good news?
Well throw some my way. I’m bummed out.
Yesterday you may have heard that foreclosure in Memphis was down for the last quarter. Obviously, that worried me.
See, I LOVE foreclosing on homes. It’s even more fun than taking people’s cars or threatening wage garnishment on a new dad.
Last night I was really depressed about it. “What happens if foreclosures keep going down?” I kept thinking. That would be a nightmare!
I tried to remember all the good times – all the evictions I’ve pulled off in the past. Like that time Jenny begged me through her sobs to wait one more week, because she’d just gotten an interview at FedEx. Her husband was sick. She just needed a little more time. And I took her house anyway!
Ah, the good ole days.
And then this morning everything got even worse. I poured my morning coffee, sat down at my breakfast table, and read the terrible news that Memphis bankruptcies were up last quarter.
Well if that didn’t make my cold heart even colder.
Look y’all, I’m a horrible person. A 2.3% increase in 2013 Memphis bankruptcy compared to the same time in 2012? That’s 2.3% more people who won’t get foreclosed on, who I’m not allowed to terrorize. And that just stinks.
Sure, I’ve got plenty of other work to do. There are still thousands and thousands of people who haven’t paid their bills. I can always take their trucks, or call them all the time at their office, or break the rules and embarrass them on Facebook. I mean, who’s gonna stop me?
On that note, if you’re behind on your payments and want to consider bankruptcy, please don’t call Darrell Castle & Associates.
They’ll just help you get out of debt so you can live a normal, happy life again. Who wants that? I know I sure don’t.
Have a horrible weekend,
Harassment Harry is a collection agent and all-around mean guy. He works for the creditors to make sure you have as miserable a day as possible. He loves threatening people, ruining dinner, and making children cry. He hates Memphis in May, the Tigers, the Grizzlies, blues music, Gibson’s Donuts, and YOU.